Why Difficult Conversations Feel Harder Than Ever (and Why You’re Not Alone)

Have you noticed how one small comment can lead to tension these days? Sending a short email may feel you are being blunt. Someone makes a suggestion, and the meeting goes quiet – no one wants to do more.

It’s OK, it is not your imagination because difficult conversations really do feel harder than they used to.

The New Normal: Things are faster, fuzzy around the edges, and people are more frazzled

You probably find in your workplace that the pace has increased, expectations have risen, and the safe personal connections you had, where conversations were easy, have reduced. I imagine hybrid and remote working means you rely more on written communication. So, you lose the use of voice tone, expressions, or an understanding of context, all of which help us feel safe when conversations get tricky.

At the same time, the emotional environment is different. After several years of change, disruption and uncertainty, people are tired. Their capacity for more is less; the resilient fuses are very short, stress ends up going home at the end of the day. People are suspicious of messages and decisions made.

So, when a small triggering event occurs, it's not just this that we react to in the moment; it is everything else we are carrying that is bubbling just below the surface.

It’s Not You. It’s the Environment.

I wonder, do you blame yourself when a conversation goes wrong?

• “I should’ve handled that better.”

• “Why did I get so defensive?”

• “Why can’t I just be more confident?”

But most of the difficulty is not you personally, it is the context you are working in.

Our brains treat uncertainty as a threat, and I imagine your workplace is full of uncertainty: organisational change, blurred boundaries, unclear expectations, and an ongoing pressure to perform.

You probably know that when stressed, the human brain goes into protection mode. The flight, freeze or fight syndrome. Which means you are having conversations while trying to survive: collaboration simply goes out of the window.

Reframing the Challenge

If you are thinking, “I’m just not good at difficult conversations,” it might help to reframe your thinking to something more productive.

It’s not about being good at them — it’s about being prepared for them.

Preparation isn’t about preparing scripts about what to say; it’s about creating the right mental and emotional conditions before you start, as part of creating psychological safety.

The difference is huge and significant.

Moving Forward: From Reaction to Being Ready

I intend to share reflections and tools to help you approach difficult conversations with more confidence and less anxiety; a good place to start will be the art of staying calm when emotions rise.

In the meantime, try this simple reflection:

Think of a conversation you have been avoiding.

What makes it feel risky for you? What small shift in your preparation, timing, or voice tone might make it easier to start?

You may well surprise yourself at how things change when you give yourself permission to prepare differently.

What are you noticing about the kinds of conversations that feel hardest right now?

I would love to hear your thoughts — feel free to share your experience or reflections below.

#DifficultConversations #PsychologicalSafety #LeadershipDevelopment #ConflictResolution #EmotionalIntelligence